Wednesday, July 23, 2008

If I Were To Write a Book

This is what I get for trying to go to bed at 10:30.. I wake up at 3:30 AM. So I was laying in bed playing Tetris on the DS, and I thought to myself If i were to write a book it would be called "How to Make your Girlfriend Like Football Without Using Force." And I have to strongly emphasize without force because I don't want feminist groups hunting down my ass and throwing food at me (although if that ever happens I hope it's carrot cake). You must be thinking WHY on earth would a GIRL write such a book? Well I'm pretty much living proof that a boyfriend can indirectly make his girlfriend like football.

My boyfriend, Davis, is a football freak. And since he watches football every damn Sunday, the only way I can hang out with him, AKA be in the same room with him, is to stay in the living room all day watching football. Plus I think it helps that I'm a broke college student so I can't afford to shop every Sunday for six months unless I shop at Forever 21. After being with him for almost 5 years, I've watched about four seasons of football. During the first two seasons, football was a snooze fest and I feel asleep watching 90% of the games. And of course during every single game Davis would explain all the goddamn passes, flags, rules and anything related to the game. That was a really painful period and I seriously considered putting him in a coma. After three years of listening to his crap, I started to remember the rules and eventually started to like and now possibly love football. I even have a favorite team! The COLTS! Ok, I might have jumped on the Peyton Manning bandwagon. However, in my defense, I started rooting on for the Colts during the 2006 season when they were on the way to win the super bowl. So technically, I was sort of a fan before the win, the win just pushed me over the fence and made me a fan. Davis was super nice about not making me watch football, he made sure to tell me I don't have to watch it and that I can go do something else... I really hope this hasn't been his plans all along...

Anyways, the point of this post is I've decided to start off with a lesson for all you fellas out there with a girlfriend who hates football. Remember that this can change. Caution: this only applies to football, everything else will not change.

Lesson 1: Watch football every time a game is on. This means sitting on the couch from 12 to 8 and watch all three Sunday games. Unless you have the fancy NFL Network channel, then watch it, I don't know.. 24/7? And make sure your girlfriend is there sitting next to you so you can rot away her brains with tons of football crap. Remember, it might help to have a girlfriend who is also a broke college student so you know she has nothing else to do on Sundays but sit there with you. And if she can actually tolerate you for more than two seasons of football, you may have a football fan in the making. Tons of football games + a lot of football information + more than 2 seasons of football = fan. Get it? It's so simple right? Also remember not to force her to like football. Keep letting her know that your passion does not have to be hers and she has other options than sitting there with you.

If you ever have trouble with lesson 1, point her my way and with a small fee I can help you.

Good luck!